A Legal Alien

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29 August 2005

This house doesn't feel like mine. It doesn't feel like I live in it. Housemate is a nice guy but the entire house feels like his and not mine. I'm not comfortable in my own room. Maybe it will take time to settle in but I don't know. I miss my furniture, having my things out in our common area. There's no place for me to put some of my stuff and I don't want to ask him to take his stuff down so I can put up my girly stuff. And he's territorial about odd things...like the shower curtain. Now, I'm an adult, 31 year old woman and I currently shower with Donald, Goofy and Mickey every day. Yes, all the Disney family shares a bathroom with me. It's not a grotty, nasty shower curtain but it's not something I would even consider buying. So stupid me goes to IKEA this last Saturday and thought, oh, I'll pick up 2 shower curtains (because our tub is huge and he gets water all over the place). I buy something I think he'll tolerate, generic, etc. When I got home, I told him I'd gotten shower curtains at IKEA and he was like, "What?? WHY!? I love that shower curtain!" I told him we could keep it then and I'd just put up one of the others so the water didn't get all over the floor. Good God man, it's a SHOWER CURTAIN and it's not enough that you have posters like a 14 year old ALL OVER THE FUCKING HOUSE?! I can't have a civilized SHOWER CURTAIN? Ugh. Boys are not supposed to care about this kind of thing.

I just want to take over the house by myself and bring my furniture over from CA, get my dog and settle into a life here. I feel like I'm a lodger in someone else's house and that I have to ask his permission to decorate. He was subtle today about telling me to clean up the spare room "in case someone comes round to look at it." Um.. yeah Dad, thanks.

I feel like I'm going mad. We sit in silence and if I try to make conversation, he kind of sits there and doesn't really talk. He hasn't asked me hardly anything about myself. I don't know if this is cultural or if it's just that he's shy. Maybe it'd be different if I was a guy or if we were closer in age. Maybe I'm a loser.

For Paul Barrett

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