A Legal Alien

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20 September 2005

For the first time in over 3 years, I'm single. It's a weird feeling but in a way, I need to be by myself for a while. I've hopped around too much, from Aaron to Frank to Michael to Frank again and in some weird way, I've lost myself in it all. My depression is the worst it's been in ages and if I'm going to find my way out, I have to get right with myself, with my faith, with the essence of who I am. The light at the end of the tunnel seems far away but I'm not giving up. Yesterday was the bottom I think, the worst I've felt in a long time. Ending my whole life sounded like a good idea because then no one would have to worry about me anymore and I'd no longer be a burden to my friends and family. It doesn't make a lot of sense at the moment but yesterday and Saturday night, it sounded like an excellent plan. Taking one minute at a time, enjoying the simple things like going for a walk or having ice cream, having students at school smile at me or a quick hug from a friend are all helping me get through each day. I miss my family terribly right now but I'm getting better. Working helps keep me sane. I may not be the best teacher ever but I'm getting there.

For Paul Barrett

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