A Legal Alien

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18 March 2006

I'm staying with my cousins this weekend while my aunt and uncle are away. It's been uneventful, save for a spat in the car on the way home tonight. My younger cousin spent the day with my grandfather as all the women folk went down for my aunt's wedding shower. She's getting married on 8 April after being a widow for 21 years. My mom's brother died when he was 34 and his wife is finally getting remarried. She is so wonderful and part of me is sad that she is marrying someone else. But, she waited a long time to find the right person to be with and she deserves to be happily married. The guy she's marrying is really nice, fits right in with our family and has stood up to the scrutiny of my uncles and grandfather. The shower today ended with a toast to my uncle's memory and some tears were shed. So many people there were a huge part of their life together and mourned with us when he died. It was only fitting that someone mentioned him. Our family was thanked for coming too, even though there is no other place we'd rather be than celebrating. I haven't cried for my uncle in a long time but I did today as we remembered him and I saw my cousin crying for the dad she doesn't remember and the mom who did such a wonderful job raising her.
As difficult as it has been to come home, this weekend has helped me see that I've missed my family. I've missed birthdays, holidays, family gatherings. I wouldn't trade any of my time in England and I have so many regrets, so many things I miss. But my family is everything to me, more than London ever could be. The hole in my heart will heal, in time, and I'll come to accept my new start here. I think.
For today, I'm counting my blessings, celebrating my family and being grateful for the circle of people who surround us with love.

For Paul Barrett

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