A Legal Alien

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26 August 2007

It's been a busy few weeks since school started and I'm finally getting into the swing of things. I finally have my seating charts done so hopefully that will help settle 4th and 5th periods down a bit. I'm always wiped out by the end of the day and a bit short tempered with them. God give me strength this week.

I've been doing a lot of thinking the last several days about the previous men in my life. It's interesting to see what's become of them, either through reading their blogs or hearing from them over the last 6 months. There isn't ONE of them I'd even consider reconciling with and quite honestly, the last 3 are such a mess, I'd run away screaming. There's the angst ridden, I'm too smart for most women so I want to tear up my MENSA card virginal 26 year old, the batshit crazy control freak who would barely show up once a month for an unsatisfying shag, and the I cant figure out who I am or what I want to do with my life ManBoy. I can gladly say I wouldn't blink an eye at any of them if they wanted to even say hi. It helps to have someone normal around to help me think it through. Islands of sanity help. They help a lot. A LOT. I think about why I liked (or in some cases even loved) those 3 men and for the life of me, I don't know what drew me to them. Frank was nothing like Aaron, Michael just seemed intrigued by me and desperate for someone to love him (nothing has changed that apparently). I spent so much energy on Frank and Aaron both, doing everything I possibly could to make it work (short of getting pregnant which would've made Aaron very pleased and me a complete mess). And now, after a few years of distance, I don't know what I was thinking! I agonized over losing Frank and now that I see him for who he really is, for the incredible moron he is, I am so glad to have him out of my life. I always wanted him to be attached to me the way I was to him but it never worked out that way. Things happen the way they do for a reason. And Michael ? He has more problems than I think a competent therapist could handle. Any guy who spends his free time decorating cakes and singing at karaoke bars has some serious issues with his sexuality. I have gay friends who are straighter than that guy.

Life is good. Flying to Florida on Saturday...

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