A Legal Alien

I'm having a hard time. The later the days go on, the worse I feel. Night time is the worst. My house is quiet. My brain is overdrive. And I feel so profoundly alone. I don't know what to do to fill the hole. I'm tired of abusing myself. I'm tired of missing Frank. I'm tired of feeling mediocre at everything I attempt to do with my life. I'm just tired.

This is how it began before. The downward spiral that led to me running for the hills last November. I can't do this again. I can't let him ruin one more day of my life. My life. MY LIFE. Is this who I am now? This shell of a person who can barely find words to write down with a pen and paper? Is this why I never find what I'm looking for? My life. Work. Eat. Sleep. Dog. Family obligations. I'm lost. Lost.

"When you close your doors, and make darkness within, remember never to say that you are alone, for you are not alone; nay, God is within, and your genius is within. And what need have they of light to see what you are doing?"