A Legal Alien

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09 June 2006

Oh I'm sorry for neglecting my blog. I've been busy and honestly, haven't felt much like writing everything down. Until now, when I have a chance to sit and think and just be.

My sister got engaged. Wedding is set for 1 Oct. It's been a flurry of activity here, mostly involving my mother and the telephone. I'm on the outside looking in, as there are no bridesmaids, etc. I was there to help her try on dresses and she selected my dress but for the rest, I have no idea what's going on. Maybe it's better this way because being alone and planning a wedding makes my uterus crumple and my ovaries shrivel. I'm giving up hope of ever finding someone. I made a conscious choice in the autumn to be by myself, to figure out what the hell makes me happy, to be content in my own skin. I'm not totally there yet but I'm getting there.

I bought a car about 2 weeks ago, a Honda CRV. I know, I know!! An SUV. Bah. But I need some space to lug the dog around and it made all the moving into my classroom really easy. I get good gas mileage too so it's NOT a gaz guzzler.

School... yeah. I started teaching summer school this week and it's been a long, long 3 days. 5 1/2 hour days with the same kids and a 15 min. break. I KNOW. It's torture. Oh, it's torture because I have 40!! kids. My school is brand new (like only open a year) and this is the first year they've had summer school. So no one really knows what they're doing AND the main secretary went on holiday this week. Her sub is new and doesn't know all the details that we need to know so there's a definite knowledge gap. It's frustrating but at least my kids are polite, on task for the most part and are NOTHING like the hethans I had in Brentwood. I've got a class full of Mexican kids and what a blessing they are. They NEVER backchat to me. EVER. I seriously questioned my sanity when I left England, like maybe it really WAS me who sucked, that those kids were bad because of me. Oh no, it wasn't me. Definitely wasn't me!! I have to go to a training all next week though so I won't have to teach until the week after next. Then, 4 more days and school is out until August.

I came home and napped yesterday before soaking in a hot bath. The dog was snoring on his new bed next to mine and it was peaceful. My parents have let him stay since returning from Hawaii and so far, so good. He's been sleeping in my room and outside guarding the koi pond from cranes and possums during the day. Nothing calms me more than laying down in bed, knowing he's sleeping soundly close by. He's helped heal the hurt, fills the void, and is always happy to see me.

I still ache with wanting to return to London. I miss everyone, all my friends, my independence, my LIFE. I have few friends left here, almost none who keep in touch with me now that I'm back. They say how much they miss me and then don't bother to call. Irony is a bitch, an evil, evil bitch.

We had our court date about Pop's estate. I went with my dad and stared at the evil old hag while the judge read our motion to remove her as trustee. Instead of ruling, he ordered us into arbitration because F's attorney wouldn't waive her right to arbitrate. Then, on Tuesday, we discovered she'd put the ranch up for sale AGAIN. Our lawyer called her lawyer and told her if we didn't hear back from her by Monday, we'd send a letter to the realtor, title company, all creditors and the judge that the property is the subject of a dispute and cannot be sold. Everyone is hopping mad again, still. Whatever. Our attorney recommends selling the property and liquidating everything, dissolving the trust so we can be done with her. All of this is an expensive, drawn out mess that's lasted almost 18 months. I've played super paralegal for my dad though, digging up as much information and public record as I can on F and all 3 of her deadbeat kids. It's amazing what the internet and the Freedom of Information Act can supply when someone has time and loathing. Hell hath no fury...

My cousin and his gf ran off to Maui and got married without telling anyone they were even engaged. Family drama ensued. Reception tomorrow night. Various family members (My sister and I included) were 'erronously omitted' from the invitations. I don't want to go, even after my uncle emailed my dad to inform us that ALL family members were invited and my cousin's wife basically got thrown under the bus for that 'mistake'. Whatever. I'll sign my name to the gift but I don't know why I have to show up to their backyard BBQ (hamburgers!!!) reception. I'd be shocked if anyone WASN'T wearing shorts. Yeah, it's summer but I swear people in my family don't have a clue about appropriate attire for functions. (And I'd rather die than eat a hamburger for my wedding dinner but that's just me.)

Ooooooooh I've done a lot of ranting. Sorry 'bout that. I'm all over the place and a lot has happened since I wrote anything down last. The weather has been gorgeous lately, low 90s and cool at night. It's how May/June is supposed to be in this part of CA. My new car is divine, has a new car smell and if Tracey is still reading this, I'll post pics as soon as I get it washed this weekend.

Apologies for the extended break. It was really unintentional and shouldn't happen again.

For Paul Barrett

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