A Legal Alien

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28 December 2005

Let's see.. the highlight of my day today was giving the dog a bath. Woohoo! I picked him up after I got my hair cut and damn, he reeked. So, as soon as we got home, he got plunked into the bathtub for some serious soap time. My room is picked up now and I exchanged pressies with Heather.

I leave for England on Friday evening. It's a very weird feeling to go home again. I mean, I don't know when I'll be coming back to CA, how long I can stay in the UK and what I'll do when I'm there. So much is unknown. I want to stay but I also want to be near my family. I just don't think teaching in England is meant for me. Well, if it is, I have to find the right school and that takes time and patience. I don't know that I'm willing to take another risk and end up in a bad situation again, even though that very well may happen in the US. See why I'm so confused about what to do?! I miss my friends in England.. Laura, E, Bassel, Dominique, Cecilia and yeah, a few people from work, Jack and Zane, Karen, the girlies up in the north, Em, Liane, Anne. I'm pulled in a million different directions and none of it gives me any peace. Being home has given me time to recharge my batteries but I'm starting to get restless again. My feet are itching to get out of CA and back to the place where I started to blossom again, back to London. I've battled my depression so much in the last year, a rollercoaster ride of heartache and happiness but I feel so independent when I'm away from here. I hate depending on my parents for everything right now. I don't even have a damn car in this country anymore. I have to borrow one when I want to run any errands because public transit in CA is awful. Oh how I miss the bus and the tube! The pace of the city.. fast and slow all at once.

Being an expat means always being divided between two places. I love my family in CA but I love my freedom and adventure in England. I don't know if there will ever be peace about any decision I make.

For Paul Barrett

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