A Legal Alien

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14 December 2005

I wish I knew what to do with my life. But I really, seriously don't know. It completely sucks. I do not want to give up my life in England but my job is slowly killing the few brain cells the Prozac doesn't. If I could pack up my family, friends and my dog, I'd stay in London forever. I've thought about doing my PhD at IOE. I've thought about quitting and not working in Essex again. I've thought about going back until half-term in February and leaving then. None of it sounds like what I really want. Because I'm clueless about what I want! I guess that's why I'm in CA, to figure myself out. I'm supposed to go back to the UK on Dec. 30. What happens after that is anybody's guess.

My dog is snoring loudly from the couch, after I picked flakey skin off his backside because YES, I am that kind of mother.

The TV has been tuned into an episode of Cops.

I had chocolate cake for lunch.

I have a new appreciation for the children of J. Howard Marshall (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6770681). We will most likely end up in probate court with my grandfather's widow. There's another meeting with our lawyer on the 27th. At least I'm here for that excitement. The ranch has been taken off the market, heated letters have been sent back and forth between her lawyer and ours. Her lawyer is willing to make some big concessions which tells us only that they don't have a legal leg to stand on and she's done some shady, almost illegal things regarding the trust.

I've done virtually no Christmas shopping, except for my sister and my mom. What I ordered from Amazon.com arrived BROKEN and had to be sent back. Estimated new shipment to arrive JANUARY 12!! Gee, that defeats the purpose of a CHRISTMAS GIFT.

I miss my friends in England, like really miss them. I hate having to look at the clock to figure out I'm too late to ring anyone. I don't know if I'll ever be comfortable in the US again. Right now, I feel like I'm in a daze. Or a haze.

It could be the valley fog.

Or the dog dandruff. However you want to look at it is fine with me.

Oh, and I turned 32 on Saturday. My parents were busy the entire day. I went to the movies with Heather. My grandma called but no one else did. No one emailed. My sister gave me a TV series on DVD that I've never even heard of. She was more excited than I was. I know that sounds selfish but I'd like birthday gifts that are things I'd like or at least have HEARD of.

Sometimes a city gets under your skin. How else can I explain it?

EARTH has not anything to show more fair:
Dull would he be of soul who could pass by
A sight so touching in its majesty:
This City now doth, like a garment, wear
The beauty of the morning; silent, bare,
Ships, towers, domes, theatres, and temples lie
Open unto the fields, and to the sky;
All bright and glittering in the smokeless air.
Never did sun more beautifully steep
In his first splendour, valley, rock, or hill;
Ne'er saw I, never felt, a calm so deep!
The river glideth at his own sweet will:
Dear God! the very houses seem asleep;
And all that mighty heart is lying still!

"Composed Upon Westminster Bridge" by Wordsworth, 1802

For Paul Barrett

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