mind the gap

30 October 2005

I'm back from my week in CA. It was thoroughly exhausting and I'm going to be exhausted when I have to go back to work tomorrow. While I was away, so many interesting things happened, most involving my dad's family.

In 1985, my grandmother died after a massive stroke. My grandpa was miserably lonely living about 45 minutes up in the foothills in the house they built together. My cousin's godmother lived next door to my aunt and uncle and found her way up to Pop's house to bring him dinner after Grandma died. They married in March 1987. At first, we were happy for him. He was lonely and F seemed like a nice woman. Christmas changed all of that when her kids were showered with gifts and attention and our family sat there watching.

There were several falling-outs, the crowning glory was when F referred to my mom in a derogatory term in front of several family members and within my mother's earshot. My mom wrote a letter about all of the problems that have gone on since F came into our family but the end result was simply the end of any contact for the next few years.

In 1998, Pop was told his prostate cancer was spreading and he didn't have much time. My mom was willing to bury the hatchet, even having F stay out our house while Pop was in the hospital. When he was really ill and dying, my dad was the one she leaned on. Not her kids, not my dad's other brothers, just us. In 1999, Pop died. She was upset. Honestly, I was relieved.

Now this is when the fun starts. F had nothing when she married Pop and found herself able to spend every penny my grandmother had scrimped to save while raising 4 kids. F and Pop created a revokable trust in 1994, changing Pop's will from having my dad be the executor of the estate to creating co-trustees of my dad's 2 younger brothers. We didn't know any of this until after Pop died.

Seven days after he died, F went to the county clerk's office and declared herself the sole trustee of the estate. She shouldn't have done this because my uncles are co-trustees with her. However, she still thinks the trust is revokable and she can do what she wants. Not so. It became irrevokable upon Pop's death. The beneficiaries of the trust are my dad and his 3 brothers, not her children. Pop did this so that the proceeds of the property would go to his children and she agreed. My uncles got worried when she said she wanted to sell the property, buy something smaller and then have a nice nestegg to leave her kids. My uncles went to the tax office and had their names added to the deed. She has done none of the things she should have legally done and in fact, declaring herself sole trustee might get her into some hot water.

Last summer, my dad's attorney asked for a copy of the trust, as is her responsiblity to provide. She sent back a rude letter to the lawyer saying that no one would see the will until she was dead. I think the last straw for anyone was when she claimed Pop was destitute when she married him and that they had been having an affair when my grandma was still alive. Inventive history is typical of her and pretending my grandmother never existed has always been JOB 1.

On Tuesday, she put the house up for sale. It's been 6 years since Pop died and she's got over 6 acres of property to maintain by herself. So, my dad rang the realtor to inform them that the house wasn't hers to sell. This set off a firestorm of activity and she now has an attorney. Friday night was a summit between my dad and his brothers to decide how to proceed with the lawyer. If she wants to sell, legally she's not entitled to more than 1/5th of the estate.

There's more to the story than this but I had to work out some of this in my head before I can go back to sleep.

I hate her. I've always hated her. I hope she doesn't get a penny. She and her loser kids can rot in hell.
mind the gap