A Legal Alien

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30 January 2005

I've been so good today! The laundry is almost done, the bed has clean sheets and is made up, the kitchen sparkles. All I need to really do is work on some school stuff that I've been putting off.

I'm feeling a lot better than I did just a few days ago. If one more person tells me that I'm "addicted" to or "dependent" on Prozac, I will seriously go off. I don't want to take medicine forever. I hate that I take it. I hate that my brain just doesn't work properly. But the quality of my life is so greatly reduced when I'm not medicated. Getting out of bed requires more energy than I have and just showering and dressing is the highlight of my day when I'm sick. I think of my depression in the physical sense, as a disease like diabetes or hypertension. Sure, my cognitive thinking processes can be bizarre and unhealthy sometimes but without medication, I simply don't function. I would rather be taking one capsule every morning for the rest of my life than slide back into that dark, scary place I go to when I'm depressed. Maybe normal people don't understand or maybe I hide my dark side really well. I don't know. But I do know that the normal things that other people would consider pick-me-ups don't work for me when I'm sick. It helps to have friends who are compassionate and understanding, who have seen where I was 2 years ago and where I am now.

I just had to get that off my chest.

Laura and I are going to IKEA tomorrow! I have a love-hate realtionship with that store. I love the idea of all those inexpensive things under one roof and yet, I HATE the crowd of the slow moving cattle herd of people who trundle through there. Why people stop right in the middle of an aisle is beyond me. We're trying to avoid the crowds by going during a weekday afternoon. Yay! Shopping!

For Paul Barrett

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