05 December 2006

And it feels like the healthy thing to do. The smart thing. The I'm-not-a-crazy-stalker-type thing to do. Because really, who wants to be that girl, the girl who can't let go? The girl who is closer to being like another one of his psycho exes than she'd like to admit... yeah, I'm afraid of becoming THAT girl. Because she was beyond psycho and frolicking into psychotic land. I may be a bit off when it comes to heartache but there's no way I want to be like THAT girl. What scares me is I've come up with insane scenarios to try to get him back into my life and what is the point of that? One of my friends told me once that one day I'll realize that I dodged a bullet with him. Maybe I haven't realized it yet but making a mental list of all the things that suck about him help. And looking over my list of things I want in a partner has helped too. He really never matched up, even though I really wanted him to.

In no particular order:
He doesn't share my faith. He's a lapsed Catholic who professes to be a 'Druid Pagan' but doesn't even know what that means.
He's irresponsible with money. A HUGE pet peeve of mine. I loaned him over £450 over the course of our 2 relationships. He paid it back but not without a lot of asking.
He's a total momma's boy.
He likes cats more than dogs.
He spends more time on his computer and PS2 than with real people.
He wastes money he doesn't have on stupid things.
He values the environment over people and openly criticised the fact that I used bleach wipes on my toilet seat.
He's selfish.
He told me I needed to be on better medication because "it's obviously not working."
He never graduated from college. Education is a big deal for me. He flunked out after one semester. And he had a full ride.
He never understood why my family was so important.
My friends hated him. (Note to self: ALWAYS LISTEN TO LAURA and ANNE.)
He has a mediocre job with little to no opportunity to advance.
He doesn't just have a blog. He has an entire website with his name as his URL.
He's obsessed with anything with an engine. I'd rather watch basketball than Formula 1, thankyouverymuch.
He has serious, serious Daddy issues. (Yeah, your dad died. You hated him. He hated you. What's the problem again?)
He spent more time getting ready than I did.
He criticized me for not liking to camp. SO WHAT?? (Ok, I don't mind camping as long as I can get a shower every day. Sue me for not wanting to sleep with a rock behind my head and a stick up my ass.)
He got mad when I bought my car last year. Apparently because I didn't do what he wanted me to.
He doesn't want kids.
He said he didn't ever want to marry.
He told me being with me was more hassle than it was worth. (Although he later apologized for that and I was stupid enough to forgive him.)
He told me I needed to sort out my issues. (The biggest issue I had was him treating me like shit.)
He didn't want me to stay in England long term. (Wish granted on that one, I guess.)
He collected crap. Not literal crap but stupid things like plush toys and movie memorabilia. (Who the hell needs to collect toy versions of the creatures in 'Alien'?)
He was a pack rat. Again, this ties into his Daddy issues and that his dad never bought him anything. Therefore everything MUST. BE. KEPT.
He had more clothes than any girl I've ever met. Mostly t-shirts. Lame t-shirts. And when he sorted them to get rid of some, he was all girly upset about it. Get over it. It's a t-shirt.

So it was never meant to be. I know that. I can accept it. Some of his issues were deal-breakers and I chose to ignore them. I won't make that mistake again.

Being proactive stopped here at 05 December 2006