A Legal Alien

map

13 August 2006

I miss London. Like an overwhelming wave, I can't find which way is up. I talked to Laura this morning and how I miss her. I miss Friday Frappuchinos and seeing my Peanut grow up. I know leaving Essex was the best thing for me at the time but I wish I had been able to stay. In the last few days, I've heard from E, Tiny Dancer, Spiderman, CiCi and now Laura. Everyone is reaching out at the same time and it makes my heart break into millions of pieces again. I know this is where I need to be for a while to make money and really get myself together, for once, finally, for good. But man, I'm missing out on the lives my friends have, the life I left behind.

I watched Pride and Prejudice again last night, for like the 3rd time in a month. I laid in bed and cried at the end. I know how the stupid movie ends but damnit if Lizzy walking on the moors, seeking out the dashing Mr. Darcy made me lose it. Why? Because I want to find my Darcy. I want to find that someone who says he loves me ardently. ARDENTLY. Someone who would do anything for me, and not just to use me. The kind of love that just knocks me back on my butt. Where's my Darcy? Where's my Mr. Rochester? (yeah, I'm reading Jane Eyre again) Where's Heathcliffe? Oooooooh man I'm being so overly romantic about it but I'm bound to be due for that, aren't I? I want someone to be fascinated by me, to find me breathtakingly interesting, someone who will listen and find me funny, someone who makes it easy for me to just be. I think before I find it, I have to let go of the past. I still pine for someone who shunned me. That's pathetic. But it's true.

Everyday I fight a war against the mirror
I can't take the person starin' back at me
I'm a hazard to myself
Don't let me get me
I'm my own worst enemy
Its bad when you annoy yourself
So irritating
Don't wanna be my friend no more
I wanna be somebody else

For Paul Barrett

change here for:

Free Website Counter