A Legal Alien

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28 January 2006

I left the cottage tonight. I'll go back on Monday for when the removal company comes for the last of my stuff and that will be it. I'm technically homeless after then. This is how it feels to be lost. I hate it.

But I love being back in London. I love being in the flat by myself. I left the door open while I was peeing, just because I could. I can watch as much CSI and Law and Order as I want and no one will ask me to turn to the footie or the rugby or The Simpsons.

I took a hot bath and tried to unwind a bit. I got lost driving back into the city but managed to find my way around again. I guess not driving here for 5 months meant forgetting where to turn. I'm not feeling very witty tonight, rather introspective and sad because I know my time in London is winding down. I can't stay here indefinitely. I don't have my OWN place anymore. I don't know where I belong. I didn't belong in Essex, especially after I came back and was shown to be a complete pariah. I hardly left the cottage to go anywhere but the station since I got back. I wasn't asked to the pub because that would mean running into people from work. It was tense enough in my house without me wandering around town too. So I stayed home with Spiderman or hung out with my friends away from town. Self imposed exile or something. I wasn't happy but with no car and no desire to see people from work, my choices were limited.

But now.. now, I'm free of all that. I have a car until Tuesday and a 2 bedroom flat to myself. I won't waste a second of it.

For Paul Barrett

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