A Legal Alien

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01 February 2007

It's a very weird place to be in, knowing I won't be going back to the same school next year. The relief hasn't hit me yet. The fear is still right at the back of my throat. All of the freaking out hasn't happened yet. It's this strange sense of peace and yet terror. I wanted this to be a good job. I wanted to like everyone but I just don't. And working for Hitler is just no fun when you're a Polish Jew (work with me on the metaphor here).

So I search and sit and wait. And dodge email from him and avoid him when I can. I tried to avoid him this afternoon but he cornered me in the office while coming to the bathroom. I think he just wanted to make sure that I'm not out to seek revenge or besmirch his 'good name'. Which I wouldn't do publicly or to his face. I'd rather talk about him here or with friends or at lunch. But if someone asked me what it's like to teach here, to work for him or to be in this district, I'd advise them to look for work elsewhere. It's a big gamble and not one I'd take again.

I know I was supposed to be here for a reason, whether it's to meet Monica and Terri or just to interact with my students here. I'm definitely back on my game as far as teaching is concerned, which was my major freak-out with being in England. The issues here are just really different than they were in Essex. This feels like normal, every day teaching. Essex was just hell.

Work has taken over my thoughts of late. I'm tired of thinking about it. I want to just live the next few months and enjoy whatever comes of it. I'll avoid my boss, do what I want and find the right place to be.

For Paul Barrett

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